It hasn't been a very good start to this year's blogging, obviously, since it is the 21st of January and I haven't written a thing yet this month. I think that I set myself up for disappointment. December was SO BUSY, and I kept saying, "After Christmas everything will slow down and life will be easier." Nope. Life has only accelerated these past few weeks and I am hanging on for dear life! We arrived back in Kirksville from Christmas and New Years in Michigan with my family to realize that it was past time to get the rest of our house painted and ready to sell, our finances back in line after a little too much spending over the holidays and that it was time to REALLY dive into planning the 2008 Fun Run in April that I am a co-chair for, start studying for boards, get the girls into the doctor, make some money...
So there is a lot to keep us busy, more than before, but you know, there will always be something we are late for, behind at or buried under.
The new year has made me think a lot about myself though and some of the goals that I have. The last year and a half of med-school has done something to me that I don't like. It's hard to put my finger on... There has just been a lot of stress. It has matured me but has also siphoned a little bit of life out of my character. I have been very worried about all of my responsibilities and my feelings and my schedule. This is partly because Adam is very focused on school, which he completely should be, so when he is studying, I focus on me and the kids, not so much on him and what he is doing. Needless to really say, a small gorge has formed in our family, with ME and HIM on either side. Bridging the gap is difficult! Something as simple as sitting next to him or on his lap and talking for 10 minutes bridges that gap, sometimes it takes a little more. Luckily, it isn't a permanent hole, it is one that just has to be looked after and filled with new dirt at the end of each day, or week.
So anyway, I haven't written b/c I have been trying to figure this all out. What do I need to be better at? (This is a hard question b/c it requires you to look outside your box and see your flaws, and even harder, finds ways you can be better so that they can be corrected.) How can I grow spiritually? (This is HUGE to me right now.) How can I find time to do everything that I have to do? How can I be a more affectionate and caring wife? Mother? How can I eat healthier? How can I resist sweets? How can I keep myself from getting sick every 2 weeks? Where do I find the motivation to exercise more? I need to walk to the dogs more, but don't want to... It goes on and on.
The fact that January 1st brought these questions is a good thing. I want so much to be better and to live better. I think that realizing the areas that I can improve is a fabulous start. I am grateful for the new beginning, even though it has been a hectic one. At least our muscles are more toned from hanging on to life with a firmer grip.
Adiana maturing
9 years ago
5 comments:
I noticed a huge gap between my husband and myself during the 2nd year of med school. His life was focused on what seemed like just studying and school and mine was focused on the kids and family. That made our relationship stressful at times. I still have no idea how we made it through all of the tests and studying. It seemed like we were living different lives. I have noticed a huge change in our family since
3rd year has begun.(basicly since we left Kville)The long hours of studying are gone and we have more time to focus together on our goals and children.
Finally, a new blog!! :P Hey, one thing at a time, you'll have a great year. Best of luck with everything right now. Keep your head up.
Meliss,
Your goals are very worthwhile and you are so introspective. I so admire that you seem to always be on a quest to improve your life and the life of your family. I also think that often times you are too hard on yourself. You seem to write a lot about your failings and shortcomings. This is a normal part of life and we are all "a work in progress" that does not end with this day, week, month year or lifetime. Just do the best you can----that is all the Lord expects of us but he does not want us to run faster than we have strength. Sweetie---please make sure to acknowledge all of the good things you have already done and are now doing. Try not to become overwhelmed by dwelling on everything you need to accomplish all at once. Sometimes when we do that we cannot see the forest for the trees.
Make lists, set goals, pray and evaluate but also take time to enjoy, breath and relax. Don’t forget to prioritize what is most important. God and family first!
Love you!!!
Yeah, I would say you are doing a great job too! I agree - don't be so hard on yourself. You are a beautiful person on great road to a wonderful future. Just keep rocking it out! Love you - And hey, I got a job in Boston...call me! HEARTS
You are so insightful. I love how open and candid you are about the difficulty of school. It really is tough to find common ground when there is so much that needs to be done in two very different arenas. You and Adam have so much faith. Your past posts and his comments to your posts are so heart warming. You two are gonna be fine!
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