1000 Hills and A Bad Fall

Um, yeah, so I was vacuuming out our SUV yesterday, the girls playing in the back seat as I remove the mats from the vehicle and Kira has her worst tumble yet. I was only steps away from her and saw her fall from the back seat onto the pavement of our driveway. I freaked out, called the doctor's office, they asked me if she lost consciousness or was vomiting, she wasn't, so they said to just keep an eye on her. She proceeded to want to fall asleep as I was talking to the nurse, so I asked about that and it didn't seem to worry her that she was drowsy. It was her nap time, so I let her sleep as instructed. She woke up a few hours later the same Kira that we know and love, smiling, laughing and wanting to eat. She has a good scrape and some bruising. Somehow she still is the cutest thing in the world.


Two friends and I went to 1000 Hills State Park today to play at the jungle gym by the lake and play in the water a bit. The day could not have been more beautiful. There wasn't a cloud in the sky; a rich blue as far as the eye can see, tree branches bulging with the greenest of leaves and waves on the lake that remind me of happy times I spent on the lakes of Michigan as a child, from which I have some of my happiest memories. We got out of our car and approached the jungle gym and my breath was taken from me as I looked at the scenery. My heart was filled with joy, which I desperately needed after yesterday. The beauties of nature truly bring joy to my most inner soul and I know somehow that only my Heavenly Father could have created something so magnificent.

After Kira's nap yesterday, she woke, I went up to get her out of her crib and she smiled at me and began to tell me something in her own little language. I changed her stinky pants and looked at her fresh scrapes and bruises and just began to cry, hard. The guilt overtook me. How could I have let her fall? How did it happen? I felt like the worst of mothers. She was OK, probably forgot about the entire thing by then, but that wasn't the point. I feel inadequate sometimes, like I have priorities that take away from caring for my own children. Why did the car mats take my attention away from my baby who could have fallen? Who cares about them, Kira is more important. OK. Accidents happen, but I feel like this was God's way of opening up my eyes; Him telling me to be more careful and to not worry so much about things being clean or keeping up with emails. My girls are what are my top priority, everything else can wait.

I was more appreciative of the lake today because of that experience yesterday. Sometimes tears are healthy. For me, crying yesterday made me come back down to earth, back to my family, away from the things that stress me out and consume my days with garbage. Every time I pick up my baby I feel like I love her a little more, like I want to protect her and make her the happiest child in the world. I looked at Adalin in the bathtub this evening and felt such love for her; I don't always feel that because I get distracted.

Adam is taking his Medical School Board Exam 2 weeks from this morning. I have really been struggling the past week. I am burnt out. I want him back. If we knew what medical school would have required of us before we started, we wouldn't have done it. It's hard. And you know, it will be worth it in the end in a lot of ways. Just after 2 years of Adam being himself only 3-4 weeks out of the year, I am done with it. There is constantly studying for him to do, every time we do something as a family together, the fun always ends with him saying, "Well, I better get back " (to study, again.) It has left me not feeling all that fond of his tests. It is so hard for us all to balance our lives so that they feel somewhat normal. We are supportive of each other though, take it one day (or test) at a time, and somehow do find balance occasionally.

Me, I am just trying to stay busy for these last 2 weeks. It is always the home stretch that is the hardest for me. It seems that the last 20 minutes of every road trip we take, the kids automatically decide to cry and complain. You sense the end is near and you grow impatient. I am just being impatient. But it will be OK. Here are some pics from this morning.